Bad Resume Quotes 
I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms. 
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 
It's best for employers that I not work with people. 
Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 
I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 
I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments. 
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. 
I am loyal to my employer at all costs. 
Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and 
absolutely nothing. 
My goal is to be meteorologist. But since I possess no training in 
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. 
I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. 
Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. 
Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. Note: 
Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job hopping. I have never quit a job. 
Marital status: Often. Children: various. 
Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work 
by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions. 
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. 
Finished eighth in my class of ten. 
References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.