OK, not all computer stuff, but still funny.
- If you put garbage in a computer, nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage,
having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare
- Program: (n.) A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn ones input
into error messages. (v.) To engage in a pastime not unlike banging ones head
against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
- Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back
- Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker
that came along would destroy civilization.
- In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of
checking, is the mistake.
- Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first 90 percent of the task takes 90
percent of the time, and the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.
- In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This
person must be fired.
- A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
- Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
- Technology is dominated by two types of people - those who understand what they do
not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
- At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least
two human errors, one of which is blaming it on the computer.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
- Celibacy is not hereditary.
- Those who cannot write, write manuals.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can
see better than he can think.
- The brain is a wonderful organ - it starts working the moment you get up in the
morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
- Diplomacy is the art of saying nice doggy until you can find a rock.
- If you dont care where you are, then your are not lost.
- There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid
your kids to do it.
- How come wrong numbers are never busy?
- One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
- Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
- Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six
- Law of Window Cleaning: Its on the other side.
- Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your
book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
- The marvels of todays modern technology include the development of a soda can
which, when discarded, will last forever...and a fifteen thousand dollar car which, when
properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years.
- Having children is hereditary - If your parents didnt have any, then you
probably wont either.
- Psychiatrists say that mental illness affects one out of four people. Check three
friends. If theyre OK, youre it.
- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.
- People usually get whats coming to them...unless its been mailed.
- Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it.
- Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Thanks to whoever came up with these. Please Email me if any of you have anything
like this to pass along.